now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
