My balls are so social today.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
