I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
