Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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