is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
