when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
