there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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