ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
