I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
