I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize