how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
