It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it glows. i had to have it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize