god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
