College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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