I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
