Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
