i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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