I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
