Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
