Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
