we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
