I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
