turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
