First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
