I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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