we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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