Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
