So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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