Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
