I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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