the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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