I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
