I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
