Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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