I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize