If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
