he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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