My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
