If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The feeling are messing with the penis
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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