.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
