I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
