I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
