I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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