i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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