Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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