can we get nightvision for the apartment?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
