dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize