he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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