i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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