3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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