we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
