I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
