I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
