been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
