I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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