I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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