He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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