Don't you send me to vm
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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