Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
