I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
