So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
