This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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