is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
