he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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