508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
