I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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