this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
