we're blogging at a bar
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
