K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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